I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
