i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize