seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
