I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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