May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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