my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
