Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wat bout pragnant strippers??
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
