Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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