mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
