After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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