he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
