i barfeds in our rink
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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