Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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