please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize