Hey man sorry I got all grabby
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
