Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
