he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
