Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
