I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
