I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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