all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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