its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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