she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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