She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
