I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
