hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
