She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
