1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
