so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
