I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
