so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
