Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize