got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
