and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
