Sry I called you an 8
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
