He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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