and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
