I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
