my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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