I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
