I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
