Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
