I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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