Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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