I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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