3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
