Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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