the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
