I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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