we have pet lesbian snakes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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