I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
