I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
