Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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