my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
