I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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