In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
