Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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