I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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