Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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