Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
