Your face is a jimmy john
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
