Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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