I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
