Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my shit smells like andre
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
