Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize