Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
